Fake Threats

Empty threats I’ve made via gchat this week.

1. … eat the Lannisters!
2. I’m gonna watch a bunch of really fucked up stuff so it comes up on his [Netflix Instant] recommendations
3. … so I can be a smug motherfucker and tell a publisher to download it so they can act like a grown up and unzip files on their own
4. I want to spend a year doing the Crazypants Howard Hughes World Tour
5. if I could have slaves, that’s what I’d make them do for me
6. fuck society man, just rape it up!
7. 12. Can I be drunk or heavily medicated while I operate the machinery?
8. “omg we can go on killing rampages together, it’ll be so romantic!”

Empty threats other people have made via gchat:

1. kill them, eat their hearts
2. if I was there I’d tell the story about how I had to get stitches on the inside of my mouth maybe that would shut her up
3. It’s time for New York to invade canada
4. My sigil would be a pair of hairy flexing balls
5. I wouldn’t take the risk of swimming with those things [whale sharks]
6. I will kill them to protect the world
7. I’m thinking of making a new OkCupid profile called “BeheadsU”
8. and see if she’ll sign it “Mama horny, Michael”