Sick on a Sunday

You Aren’t Worth Shit

I am an unemployed twenty-something who this week decided it was time to start looking for a job again. I have had a few interviews and have seen many more prospects which I have applied to. The most interesting part of job hunting however has been all the insulting craigslist ads I have come across. These are ads that require you to have a dizzying array of skill, experience, and qualities, as well as calling upon you to shoulder the responsibilities of multiple workers. A Magna Carta sized lists of duties and requirements alone don’t make the ads an insult to all workers, rather it’s usually the salary offered at the end of the ad.

Let’s cut to the chase here. I present to you my first in a list of ads I’ve seen on craigslist entitled “You Aren’t Worth Shit”

This ad appears to actually be for two positions. Either way, the person who listed it must think that job hunters are desperate, which they are, and therefore not worth an ingrown hair on a dog’s ass. The first job will be compensated minimum wage, and whatever lucky pleb gets the second more sophisticated position will be paid a staggering EIGHT DOLLARS AN HOUR.


Job #1
Date: 2011-01-21, 12:04PM PSTReply to:
Immediate opening for a full time Data-Entry clerk
Job Description:
• Create spreadsheet files. • Process orders efficiently and accurately. • Answer phones. • Other related office procedures.

• Detail oriented. • Working knowledge of computers (MS word, Excel, etc.) is a must. • Must type at least 35wpm. • Must be proficient in QuickBooks. • Ability to multi-task. • Minimum 1 year experience. • High level of accuracy. • Self-motivated, dependable, and able to work independently

If this looks like the right position for you to utilize and improve your skills, please submit your resume to or fax to (626) 288-6638.

Location: Rosemead, CA 91770 Compensation: Minimum Wage

Job #2


Ink cartridges and Toner company is looking for a dedicated hard working Marketing/E-Commerce Manager to implement the marketing development of a new website.
•FTP / HTML / CSS / Domains / DNS / SSL •PPC / SEO / SEM o

Adjust bids to out rank the competition. o Develop and manage SEO program, ensuring site, links and all content is optimized to build organic traffic. o Manages the development and execution of internal and external advertising production, including landing pages and banners for company website, Build SEM partners and Affiliate partners. •Build Product pages from beginning to end (Magento). •E-mail marketing campaigns. •Managing affiliate network and Commission Junction, including product feeds, product launches, setting-up commission tiers, working with top affiliates, reporting and optimizing the sales channel. •Social Media o Facebook o Twitter •Anaylytics o Track and analyze all relevant e-Commerce metrics to improve traffic and conversions. o Competitive Analysis: Ongoing competitive analysis of similar sites •Develop full scale marketing plans and schedules – breakdown structure to estimate required effort. •Prefer familiarity with Magento Shopping Cart •5+ years experience (references & background check will be conducted)
Knowledge of the following is a plus: •Experience in marketing in the jewelry industry. •Java •AJAX •Flash •Wikis •PHP •MySQL

To apply and have your resume reviewed, the following MUST be included:
• Cover letter including salary history & requirement.
• Resume

  • Location: Rosemead, CA
  • Compensation: $8/hr


How Generative Grammar Doomed the Twelve Colonies of Kobol!

I’ve been trying very hard to enjoy SyFy’s Battlestar Galactica spin off series Caprica. It has a few moments of genuine brilliance, such as a gorgeous shot of the first Cylon in the twelve worlds hugging a childhood friend. It also possesses two male leads, Eric Stoltz and Esai Morales, who shine in their roles. Unfortunately the main plot threads of the series tend to be bogged down by a handful of sluggish side plots that struggle to approach anything approximating engaging. That all changed while I was watching Episode 7 this week as two extremely nerdy facets of my life collided on screen.

Behold, Jane Espenson!

What do I have in common with this lady? I definitely was not one of the head writers on Battlestar Galactica, and last time I checked I also wasn’t one of the head writers and executive producers of Caprica. Well according to the ever infallible Wikipedia, Jane Espenson, like myself, studied Linguistics in college. Now her focus wasn’t on generative-grammar, but no Linguistics undergrad manages to receive an education in the field without acquiring at least a shallow understanding of generative grammar. In a Cylon goo bath nutshell the theory of generative grammar stipulates that the unlimited variety of sentences which human beings are capable of generating derive themselves from a finite set of rules within our brains. These rules determine what the structure of a sentence can and cannot consist of.

How does that relate back to Caprica? I’m glad you asked! (minor spoilers ahead)

Through a series of events in the pilot episode of the series a virtual reality avatar of Daniel Graystone’s (Eric Stoltz) deceased daughter, Zoey Graystone, is downloaded into the MCP (Meta Cognitive Processor, or brain) of his Cylon prototype. The Cylon performs admirably in a demonstration for the Caprican Defense Ministry, winning Daniel’s corporation a lucrative contract for an army of Cylons. Things don’t go as planned however, as every single copy of the MCP fails to produce a functioning Cylon soldier when placed inside of a Cylon chassis. Graystone finds himself in a real bind, with his company hemorrhaging profits he can ill afford to lose the Caprican military contract.

Here is where my studies run smack dab into the plot of my extremely nerdy choices in television viewing. In episode 7 the digital copy of Zoey finds herself on a virtual reality date with one of Graystone’s robotics engineers. It would take a lot of text to explain, but long story short the engineer does not know that the avatar he is out on a date with in virtual reality land is actually inside of the Cylon he spends all day tooling up. He thinks he is merely out on a date with a super cute computer nerd who lives somewhere out there on Caprica. So I’m watching all of this and feeling less than gripped by virtual Zoey’s lamenting of the lack of aesthetic variety in virtual trees, when suddenly she launches into this little diddy:

“That’s just it, that’s not the way to do it. Living systems use generative algorithms. With a generative model, the system would use a basic generative kernel of a tree and POW an infinite variety of tree like trees!”

Upon hearing this Graystone’s employee realizes that what’s missing from the other Cylons is a similar generative model in the MCPs. What’s needed is a finite set of rules from which an infinite number of unique artificial intelligences can be born.

Watching this, and knowing that the head writer and scriptwriter of Caprica is a student of linguistics herself was a virtual nerd overload. With the terms she used in the scene, and the general idea that was being proposed to solve the problem of the malfunctioning Cylon AI, there was no doubt in my mind that Espenson had to have drawn the inspiration for that scene from her studies in linguistics.

That my friends, is how the theory of generative-grammar doomed the Twelve Colonies of Kobol.


Buddhism > Kaballah

Posted in isms by jamiemarie on October 23, 2009

Back when dating Madonna was so cool even A-Rod did it, he adopted her religious trend-du-jour Kaballah.  This was in 2008.  

The 2008 American League champions: Tampa Bay Rays.  In fact, the Yankees didn’t even make it to the postseason.

Now it’s 2009 and apparently dating Kate Hudson is in.  So naturally, now A-Rod is a Buddhist.

As I write this, the Yankees are up 3-2 in the ALCS.  But regardless of the outcome, A-Rod has had one hell of a postseason.

Based on this, I can only draw one conclusion: Buddhism is a greater sports force than Kaballah.  Take that, Madonna.

trailer for upcoming art house masterpiece “Immortal Delicious”

Posted in Conspiracy Theories, Entertainment, isms, Politics, Things That Own by jamie on September 7, 2009

-guilty parties-

Sandy Murray – Director and Writer

Myself – Writer

Dixon as Himself

Mary as Herself

Mike as Himself

Stephen as Lord Sugarplums the Third.

The logical leap between the women of South Park and women in Iran

Posted in Entertainment, isms by jamiemarie on June 24, 2009

Yesterday, an article published in (on?) Slate made the argument that if a country’s leadership oppresses and alienates half its population, it’s going to fail.  A concept that should be totally obvious seems lost on many national leaders when it comes to the fact that half their country’s population are women.  This is precisely what countries like Iran keep trying to pull and one of the most significant reasons everyone’s calling shenanigans on the recent Iranian elections.  

 Violence usually succeeds, at least in the short term, in intimidating people. In the long term, however, the links, structures, organizations, and groups set up by Iranian women, not to mention the photographs of the last week, will continue to gnaw away at the Iranian regime’s legitimacy.

Leave it to South Park to illustrate this phenomenon beautifully.  In the episode Crab People, the sudden prevalence of gay media – particularly Queer Eye for the Straight Guy – makes metrosexualism the fad, and one that which only applies to the men of the town.  Later, we find out that the Queer Eye guys aren’t actually gay dudes, but, in fact, tyrannical crab people hellbent on world domination (analogous to many existing human leaders).  

At first, their plan seems to be going along swimmingly – all the men have fallen victim to the metrosexual lifestyle.  That is, of course, until something catches fire and the men freak out about their new jeans and expensive hair products, resulting in the tragic burning of the local Rhinoplasty clinic.

South Park Women PowerAt this point, the women of South Park have had it and they want their men back.  Their solution?  Beat the
 shit out of who started it: the Queer Eye guys.  Who are, of course, the crab people (who I earlier described as tyrannical).

The point of this story?  You can’t accomplish world domination (national leadership) solely wooing the world’s (country’s) men.  And just when you think you’ve accomplished something, women unite and beat the shit out of you with bats.

Sarkozy confused about “submission”, “freedom”

Posted in isms, Politics, Things That Don't Own by jamiemarie on June 22, 2009

French President Nicholas Sarkozy’s a progressive guy, you know?  He’s all into respecting women and shit, which is why he addressed the French Parliament – for the first time since Napoleon did it in the 19th Century (and we all know how down-to-earth that guy was) – to tell them that this Muslim burqa shit is totally lame.  And they should start forcing women to stop being so submissive.

According to Sarkozy, the burqa is a symbol of women’s oppression.  Which, in a sense, it is…  if you’re in Iran or Saudi Arabia, where women are required by law to wear it.  The fact that it is mandated is what makes it oppressive, not the garment itself.  In France, Muslim women can wear whatever the fuck they want, as can all its citizens.  It’s France, for fucks sake.

From what I understand, in and of itself, the burqa is a traditional Muslim garment symbolizing something religious – not necessarily female submission.  Sarkozy disagrees with me:

“The issue of the burqa is not a religious issue; it is a question of freedom and of women’s dignity,” Mr. Sarkozy said. “The burqa is not a religious sign; it is a sign of the subjugation, of the submission of women.”

Regardless of whether I’m correct of Mr. Sarkozy is, it’s not up to the President of France or some secular American chick to make that distinction.  As with any religion or religious act, what it symbolizes should ultimately be up to the individual who practices it.

Restricting the burqa’s presence is taking away a Muslim woman’s right to choose how she expresses herself and her religion.  One way or another, requiring that a burqa is worn or requiring that it’s not, the government is dictating what she can or cannot wear – giving her no choice but to submit.  If, as Sarkozy says, it’s a question of “freedom” – restricting the presence of the burqa is inhibiting Muslim women’s freedom, not promoting it.  

So STFU, Mr. Sarkozy, mind your own business, and focus on something that does promote women’s rights and freedoms.

Men’s Department of Redundancy Department at the University of Chicago

Posted in isms by jamiemarie on May 29, 2009

Knowing that feminism is my current “ism”, Eric was nice enough to post this Chicago Tribune article on my Facebook.  Basically, an upper-middle-class white dude got all butthurt that there were women’s groups on campus, but nothing focusing on the menz, so he formed his own group – and called it Men in Power.  (Uh, because there’s a shortage or something?)   There is too much wrong with this for me to come up with a cohesive argument, but there are some specifics I’d like to address.

Feminism in its purest form is the pursuit of gender equality, so it would be awfully hypocritical of me to begrudge dudes the right to form their own gender-inclusive group (and yes, women are allowed in Men in Power) focusing on the issues they face.  So, as a disclaimer, I’d like to mention that I support the general idea of a group that focuses on men’s issues. Things like gangs and neighborhood outreach.  Or the fact that 1 in every 18 American men is incarcerated, compared to 1 of 31 people in the general population.  

However, these issues focus on the poors, so how would this dude benefit?  So onto specifics.

1. The name Men in Power.  Hey, I forgot, is our President male or female?  What about 43 before that?

I just did a Wikipedia search for “female senators” because I wanted some actual numbers to back this up, but I think the first sentence of the entry nailed it: There have been 37 women in the United States Senate since the establishment of that body in 1789. That averages to 0.0072 a year – a number so small that my calculator gave it to me in scientific notation.  Okay, sure, times have changed.  Or have they?  There are still only 17 women in the Senate.  For those of you either weak in Legislative Branch basics or incapable of math, that’s still only 17%.

Moving onto the financial and business sectors, only 12 Fortune 500 companies are headed by women.  That’s 2.4%.  Last week, Xerox named its new CEO, Ursula Burns.  She is the first black woman ever to head a Fortune 500 company.  Still feeling threatened, white dudes?

According to the Tribune article, “[The group’s founder] said the group would host pre-professional groups in law, medicine and business.”  To which another U of C student countered, “I’m not sure we really need another student organization that focuses on pre-professional development for men,” noting that, in just the area of business, there were five or six students groups.  Redundant, much?  

2. Women out Masters Degree-ing Men 3 to 2.  The article mentions that there are more government and corporate initiatives aimed at getting young women into college.  I’m currently in school for my Masters and even the $500 Riviera Garden Club scholarship I got after high school wasn’t aimed specifically at women.  In fact, the year before, the scholarship recipient had been a dude.

And look, that whole gap in unemployment rates (which has got nothing on the wage gap, but that’s a whole other issue) probably has something to do with this.  The male-dominated industries that were hit the hardest by the recession – manufacturing, construction, etc. – don’t require advanced degrees.  On the other hand, female-dominated industries – education, healthcare, etc. – typically do require those degrees.  Why is it that women have gone into jobs that deal with dainty things like children and paperwork?  That wouldn’t be because of an extensive history of patriarchy, would it?  Oh, wait, yes.

Also, it’d be quite a slight to the feminists of prior generations for women to lay down their picket signs and just have babies and make dinner or whatever.  After fighting for these rights for generations, we’re going to practice the hell out of them.  I doubt that Southern Blacks continued to sit in the back of the bus after the Montgomery boycotts.

3. “Access to women” Direct from the article: “We are competing directly for access to women and jobs.”  

Let’s skip over the blatant sexism implied there and play along for a second – what physical, cultural, or socioeconomic construct is limiting men’s access to women?  I see, touch, hear, and interact with several dudes on a daily basis.  They are rarely competing.

And back to the sexism.  What this sentence should say – to support their point – is “We are competing directly with women for access to jobs.”  However, the way this is actually worded implies that women are a resource or a commodity.  Sorry bro, access denied.

4. The Yankees vs. the Cubs The group’s founder makes the following analogy: “It’s like saying ‘is it OK for the Yankees to keep recruiting new players because the Chicago Cubs have not won as often?'”

Let’s see, the Yankees consistently make more money to buy better players, thus winning more consistently (except this season). The Cubs, on the other hand, well, I hear it has something to do with a goat.  Point is, the Yankees have always had more opportunities to win World Series championships – so sure, that half of the analogy could be considered accurate.  The other half, however?  I don’t think women have been disadvantaged because of a goat curse.  Also, the Cubs have only been on a losing streak since 1945.  Women’s disadvantages stem from centuries of cultural “tradition” and oppression.

Besides, the Yankees are in the American League and the Cubs are in the National League, so this analogy is null and void.  On the other hand, the Cubs made it to the playoffs last year – on their own, with no “special initiatives”.  The Yankees didn’t.  So in that sense, maybe the analogy is on the right track.